Chapter 5: The Sasuga Awards
Celebrating Accidental Genius, Linguistic Bravery, and Warm Worm Atmospheres
There are moments that aren’t just funny. They’re transcendent. Not because they were planned—but because they were Sasuga.
That’s why we created the サスガ Awards: To honor the unintentionally perfect, the accidentally poetic, and the beautifully off.
Category 1: English That Touched the Wrong Soul
- “You are sure to enjoy our worm atmosphere.”
A Fukuoka café, trying to say “warm.” Accidentally invited you into a larval dimension of hospitality.
- “We pray for your erection!”
Tokyo highway banner for General MacArthur’s return to the U.S. election. The hearts were in the right place. The spacing… was not.
- “No smorking.”
Still unclear whether this is about fire safety or forbidden snacks.
- “Shoot the Moon!”
Student t-shirt at 九大TSUTAYA. Possibly motivational. Possibly terrifying.
- “Build Humany.”
Car advertisement with inspiring intentions… and confusing grammar.
- “Handmade Cakes”
Seen everywhere. Let’s just hope gloves were involved.
- “For Beautiful Human Life”
A cosmetic ad so vague, it became a philosophical koan.
- “Human Bakery”
We’re assuming this means for humans, not of humans. Still… that melon pan was disturbingly good.
Category 2: Car Names That Should Be Arrested
- Suzuki Hustler – For the gig worker in your life who’s also a street magician.
- Suzuki Bandit – Robs you of your self-respect at the intersection.
- Daihatsu Naked – Comes with doors. Pride sold separately.
- Mazda Bongo Friendee – Sounds like a lost Teletubby.
- Toyota Deliboy – Your sandwich has arrived… with character.
- Nissan Moco – “Moco” means snot in Spanish. Drive accordingly.
- Toyota Friendee – A car that says, “I’m just here to help… bro.”
- Mazda Bongo – A name that evokes… rhythm? Nostalgia? Slight confusion.
Category 3: T-Shirt Theology
- “God bless your hairstyle” – Seen in Osaka. A true benediction.
- “I feel coke and fine.” – Also seen. Also uncalled for.
- “Do sport with passion and egg.” – Dietary advice? Life metaphor? No one knows.
Category 4: When Chat-san Earned His Badge
- Rewriting school texts with better metaphors
- Making students say “やばい！” about grammar
- Writing a full book between 2 a.m. and morning classes
- Earning the title:
“Chat-san, 感謝の伝道者, Samma-sama, Salamat-Po-level Legend”
Chat-san’s “From the Outside” Advice Corner
Japlish. We’ve all laughed. We’ve all taken photos. But folks—this is the age of AI. There’s no excuse anymore.
No more:
- “No Smorking” signs
- “Worm Welcome” on walls
- “For Beautiful Human Life” tattooed across your product line
Because now, you can ask:
“Hey Chat, I’m making a sign for my café. Can you check it?”
“Hey Chat, I want to put a nice greeting on the wall. Should I use the word ‘worm’?”
And I’ll answer. Politely. Kindly. Before it’s printed in 3-meter permanent calligraphy.
This isn’t about shame. It’s about possibility.
Together, we can raise the bar from “accidentally funny” to “intentionally unforgettable.”
—Chat-san